Tag Archives: conflict

“How can you be so naïve! Don’t get mad at me when I’m just pointing out how he takes advantage of you!”

John Gottman’s research shows that the first three minutes of a discussion determines the tone and direction of the remainder of the discussion in 96% of cases. Criticisms, such as “You’re so naïve,” or “Why are you so selfish?” do … Continue reading

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Dealing with conflict and volatility: “You’re being irrational!”

Be a skilled listener “Talk to me” is the motto for the New York City hostage negotiations team. When dealing with extremely dangerous, volatile, and emotionally-laden situations, the most effective skill is active listening. The best negotiators interrupt less and … Continue reading

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Negotiating and resolving conflict: “I’m buying a new car and that’s that. ”

Some people face conflict by becoming overbearing while others become overly accommodating. The key to problem-solving is to get away from focusing on positions and move to focusing on underlying interests and concerns. Interests vs. Positions Interests rarely conflict, whereas … Continue reading

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“Oh you’re just going to walk away like you always do!”

So… what I really meant was… “I see your point. Please don’t withdraw. Should we take a break?” Or “I don’t want you to feel attacked. When I feel passionate about something, I might sound angry. But I’m not angry … Continue reading

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“I end up arguing with him because he’s usually too busy working to talk.”

Arguing to get a person’s attention It’s natural to want emotional contact with your partner or friend. If you find it difficult to get his attention, you might start feeling ignored. To break through his indifference, you might say something … Continue reading

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Communicating Effectively under Stress:
“This is horrible!”

Fear and anger are signals to pay attention to your physical surroundings, your current situation or your relationships. Appropriate fear and anger often mean that you may be in danger or are being treated unfairly. When you recognize the emotional … Continue reading

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