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Tag Archives: control
“It drives me crazy to see her repeating the same mistakes. She just won’t listen.”
So what I really meant was… “I warned her. But ultimately we all have to make our own choices in life.” It is difficult to watch a loved one repeatedly jump into situations that are bound to cause suffering. At … Continue reading
Stress: “I’m so stressed out. I don’t know if I can handle a promotion.”
The purpose of stress: The human stress response evolved as a response to emergencies when fight or flight was necessary for survival. When physical survival is your goal, stress is very helpful. Stress hormones rev up the heart rate and … Continue reading
Posted in Thinking and the Brain
Tagged control, cortisol, disease, health, stress, well-being
2 Comments
“My teenager is selfish and rude! How did I raise a child like this?”
Teenage rudeness is a normal attempt to separate from the parent. Teenagers respond to what they perceive as overly-involved behavior by pushing the parent away. A parent may not think he or she is overly involved, but teenagers are very … Continue reading
Posted in Parenting
Tagged control, desire for independence, detachment, parenting teenagers, selfish teenagers, teenage rudeness
19 Comments
“She’s just like my mother! — so weak!”
“He’s just like my father — so controlling!”
The quality of all of our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves. ~James Hollis Since no one influences our relationship to ourselves as much as our parents, we are often drawn to people who have some … Continue reading
Posted in Conflict, Intimacy
Tagged automatic reactions, control, just like my mother, projection, triggers, you're just like my father
2 Comments
“I’m always walking on eggshells. I don’t want to upset my partner.”
If you are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner, that means you are allowing yourself to be controlled by your partner’s reactivity. Of course, it’s nice to be considerate of your partner’s feelings, but not at the expense … Continue reading
Posted in Intimacy, Relationship Skills
Tagged avoid conflict, control, differentiation, make him mad, reactivity, walking on eggshells
3 Comments
“I’ve texted you five times in the last hour! Where have you been?”
Keeping your partner on a short rope often results from fear of loss or abandonment. However, the shorter the rope, the more trouble you’ll have. Having a tight grip is a fast way to lose your handle on the relationship, … Continue reading
Posted in Communication, Intimacy
Tagged control, freedom, monitoring, possessive, texting
1 Comment
“Were you out on the golf course again? I’ve been here alone all afternoon!”
To sustain a long-term passionate relationship, we need to balance two primary drives—the desire for togetherness and the desire for independence and autonomy. While everyone has a different ideal balance point, it’s clear that the extremes of too much togetherness … Continue reading