Tag Archives: Intimacy

Intimacy:
“I want more intimacy, validation, and to feel closer to you.”

Posted on Wednesday, April 17, 2013 by Alison

Some people claim they want more intimacy. Yet what they really want is total acceptance and validation, which are antithetical to intimacy. Long-term, passionate intimacy requires that two people have a strong enough sense of self that they can have … Continue reading →

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Intimacy vs. Agreement:
“I better not disagree with his point of view, or he’ll get upset.”

Posted on Sunday, February 10, 2013 by Alison

Guessing game: Cycle of fusion People often mistake intimacy with a feeling of closeness and “being one” that comes from all-encompassing agreement and approval, similar to the feeling of falling in love. So in their quest for intimacy, they will … Continue reading →

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Guest Author Sam Vaknin, PhD:
“I Keep Choosing the Wrong Intimate Partner/I Keep Having Failed Relationships.”

Posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 by Alison

Romantic relationships with intimate partners (significant others) are comprised of three components: I. Mate Selection (Choice) II. Relationship Model or Hypothesis III. Termination Triggers Mate selection is critical, of course, but even more important is to ensure compatibility between the … Continue reading →

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Intimacy: “I want more intimacy and to feel closer to you.”

Posted on Thursday, July 21, 2011 by Alison

Some people who want more “intimacy” really want more validation. They think that intimacy involves one partner who discloses, while the other accepts and validates that person. In contrast, however, a successful, long-term, passionate relationship is based on self-disclosure without … Continue reading →

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“How could he leave me? I did everything for him.” Being needed versus being wanted.

Posted on Monday, June 6, 2011 by Alison

There are usually good intentions of love and helpfulness behind being exceptionally useful. Yet, over-functioning by “doing everything” often stems from an unconscious impulse to increase another person’s dependence on and loyalty to the relationship. All relationships involve some degree … Continue reading →

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“You never kiss me anymore.”

Posted on Wednesday, May 11, 2011 by Alison

Many couples gradually stop kissing over time. This can be a sign that they no longer cherish each other, because indifference or resentment has insidiously invaded the relationship. It’s important to have frank conversations about the changes in your relationship … Continue reading →

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Desire: “I’ve got needs, but she pretends she’s asleep.”

Posted on Monday, March 21, 2011 by Alison

When you translate your desire into a need for biological gratification, it’s a turn-off. Your partner will resent feeling used to feed your self-esteem and needs. Desire out of a need to be satiated is consumptive and can never be … Continue reading →

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Guest Author Dr. Jennifer Freed: “My instincts told me not to do it, but his eyes told me ‘to go for it.’ Sitting in the hospital now after jumping on his motorcycle, I’m asking myself why I date guys so excited by danger?”

Posted on Friday, March 11, 2011 by Alison

If you are attracted to so-called adrenaline junkies—people who are excited by danger—you probably need some excitement in order to truly feel alive. Guys or gals who need to stay HIGH to feel anything are suffering from mind-baffling numbness and … Continue reading →

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