We all have an inner critic, which is necessary to stop us from engaging in illegal or unethical behavior and saying outrageous things. However, a tyrannical inner critic can be debilitating and lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression, preventing full participation in life.
Most people have an inner critic that can be abrasive in just a couple of select areas, interfering with their ability to enjoy life in those areas by insisting that they are not good enough, attractive enough, or smart enough. When the inner critic becomes abusive in any area of life, we need to tone it down, put it into perspective, and transform it into an encouraging supporter. Self-criticism is most useful when we considers our mistakes and use them as lessons to help guide us in the future.
So every time you say, “I’m an idiot,” “I totally blew it again,” or any other self-demeaning phrase, follow it with a positive phrase, such as, “No one’s perfect,” “Everyone who tries makes mistakes” or use a helpful and constructive thought, such as “Next time I won’t say I love someone on the first date. At least I’m romantic.”
Regarding your declaration of love on a first date, there is a happy medium in healthy relationships between being emotionally withdrawn and sharing every fleeting feeling. Next time, just enjoy the feeling of infatuation at least until the third date. Keep in mind, there are a lot worse things than announcing you’re in love on the first date.
by Alison Poulsen