Guest Author Dr. Jennifer Freed: “My instincts told me not to do it, but his eyes told me ‘to go for it.’ Sitting in the hospital now after jumping on his motorcycle, I’m asking myself why I date guys so excited by danger?”

"Need for Speed" Tom Cruise, by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

If you are attracted to so-called adrenaline junkies—people who are excited by danger—you probably need some excitement in order to truly feel alive. Guys or gals who need to stay HIGH to feel anything are suffering from mind-baffling numbness and will seek more dangerous activities to keep upping the ante.

If he always needs to get off with some adrenaline surge, he is most likely going to be a serial dater, or a regular visitor to the ER. If what you’re looking for is intimacy, you won’t find it in adrenaline junkies or daters. They’re desperately looking for something or someone to take them out of their mortal bodies, and out of this world—and that’s just not a place for lovers to find lasting satisfaction.

When all your instincts say no, but his eyes tell you “GO FOR IT,” make sure that you have time to consider the short term benefits and the possible long term consequences. Doing IT just because HE WANTS ME TO is not a good plan. Remember, any guy who truly LIKES YOU will like you whether or not you jump out of an airplane. If he wants you to be thrilling so he can be turned on, you probably can’t keep that up anyway. A real man wants his woman to be happy and safe, not risky and dumb. A buzzkill may actually be a badge of real courage once you realize that saying YES just to be popular is truly the cowardly thing to do.

Dr. Jennifer Freed is the author of “Lessons from Stanley the Cat”, a psychotherapist, a radio show host “Freed Up,” on Voice America, & a professor.

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