By telling others that your ex was a psycho, you’ve just told them a few of the following things about yourself:
1. You have poor judgment in making important decisions.
2. You make those closest to you so angry they seem crazy.
3. You are a black and white thinker, and don’t understand the complexity of relationships.
4. You don’t take responsibility for your role in the relationship.
5. You say bad things about those who were once closest to you.
Most ex-wives and husbands who are called “psychos” are simply regular people who are hurt, angry, and temporarily out of control. Most people have been there to some degree!
There are occasional circumstances in which someone marries a true psychopath without knowing it. These cases are rare and you probably won’t find their partners saying, “My ex was a psycho” in a judgmental manner. Their experience was just too painful to make light of the situation.
You would be more honest, thoughtful, and accountable if you said something like, “We had our differences, and let our frustrations get the better of us. I think we are both better off now and have learned something from the relationship.”
Sounds too level-headed? Then add, “I drove my ex crazy with my moodiness/indifference/selfishness.”
by Alison Poulsen, PhD