Disappointing others:
“I am not good at confrontation because I don’t want to hurt people.”

"Fearless" — Lee Janzen by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

A confrontation is a “a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties.” You can learn to stand up for yourself without being hostile or “confrontational.” You simply need to state your opinion in a respectful, matter of fact, and firm way.

It’s admirable to want to treat people with respect and fairness. However, that does not mean giving them everything they want.

Imagine if you raised a child where your goal was to avoid confrontation. The child would learn very quickly that being confrontational is the most effective way to get what he or she wants. You would be training that child to become spoiled, demanding, and selfish.

Giving people everything they want at your expense caters to their selfishness and will cause you to feel resentful.

Disappointment may not feel good, but it is a necessary part of life. You can’t avoid disappointing others because you can’t control their expectations. On the other hand, you underestimate people’s resiliency if you think they can’t handle a little disappointment.

The only way to avoid disappointment is to never have hopes, dreams and expectations. These are what motivate our journey through life. Fortunately, people don’t have to have all of their dreams and expectations satisfied in order to live a full and happy life. In fact, disappointment can lead people to make needed adjustments in their lives.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Walking on Eggshells.”

Related Posts

3 thoughts on “Disappointing others:
“I am not good at confrontation because I don’t want to hurt people.”

  1. tree

    I tihnk sometimes we should have a dream, as a motivation or even sometimes we should have a hope because every pieces of hope that we have will be a small crystals that will always shine when we walk in the darkness.

  2. Pingback: Positive Bonding Patterns: “We never fight, but we don’t talk anymore and there’s no more passion.” | Healthy Relationships and Solutions to Happiness and Love © 2011

Comments are closed.