There’s a big difference between provocatively flirting with others and simply being an outgoing, attractive person. People with self-respect who are engaged in the world with a positive outlook tend to have a certain magnetism that is appealing to others.
People cannot expect their partners to go out in the world with a stern or repressed demeanor and come home with life-enhancing energy — that would be unfortunate for everyone.
If you simply exude a healthy vitality and are not purposely trying to get sexual attention, then your husband may be missing out on enjoying your energetic essence.
By accusing you of being flirtatious, he is unconsciously trying to shame you into hiding the part of yourself that is animated and engaging. Keep in mind he may be doing this as he fears losing you. The unfortunate result is that he will push you away and cause you to hide the more vibrant part of yourself from HIM.
Thus, it’s vital that he show his appreciation for the part of you that captivates people. You could remind him that he’s the one you are faithful to (assuming it’s true, of course), and that he should not expect you to constrict yourself around others in your sphere. Remind him that you are not interested in starting up inappropriate relationships and that you know your boundaries.
Ask him not to diminish himself by blaming you for your charismatic life force. Instead, if he learns to overcome his insecurity, he’ll appear more attractive and confident in himself. By valuing what attracted him to you in the first place, rather than trying to squelch your spark, he would enhance the magic between you.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD