“I’m his biggest fan and he treats me like a slave.”

"Opus 76 by Haydn" by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

Isn’t it curious that some people tend to become more critical, cold, and cruel with the very people who champion them the most? Why would someone treat their admirers worse than their critics?

People who devalue their biggest supporters — often their partner — resent the fact that they feel so dependent on that support. In fact, they may be addicted to their dependency, and for that reason, they simultaneously feel bitter about it.

They don’t like feeling helpless. They don’t like needing support and praise. They don’t like counting on you for their self-esteem.

Yet, they don’t have the fortitude to stop relying on you for services, accolades, and admiration. They belittle you so as not to appear needy. They despise their own weakness and you become the physical manifestation of that weakness.

By devaluing the sources of said supply (his spouse, his employer, his colleague, his friend) he ameliorates the dissonance.

~Sam Vaknin, PhD

Understanding why someone might treat you like a slave does not mean you should continue to act like one, or to accept the treatment. So the real question is why would you continue to be a fan of his if he treats you or anyone like a slave?

Anaïs Nin wisely pointed out that “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” It may be time for you to step back from your role as an admiring slave and to view people as they are in their entirety, to admire those who are more worthy of admiration, and to create your own life-opus.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read Guest Author Sam Vaknin, PhD “’Should I Stay Or Should I Leave?’ The Tremendous Costs of Staying with an Abusive Person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

Read “Overfunctioning and underfunctioning:’If I don’t take care of things, nothing will ever get done.’”

Read “Respect each other: ‘He’s always talking down to me.’”

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