“What happened to our relationship? It used to be so great.”

"The Kiss" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“The Kiss” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

A relationship is made up of a history of interactions between two people. All of the daily moments, glances, words, and focus of energy add up to create your relationship. Consider what kind of interactions your relationship consists of primarily:

Conversations, and


Cringing, and

If you want a good relationship, it takes continuous mindfulness to communicate in a way that deepens the relationship and builds upon positive interactions. If you want a great relationship, practice being thoughtful, respectful, reasonable, enjoyable, and create an atmosphere of desire. If you want more fun, be more fun and do more enjoyable things together. If you want more passion, take care of yourself, be more sensual, seduce your partner with your own desire.

When two people first meet, they can be wildly attracted to each other and have endless physical and social interaction. However, it’s an art that requires awareness and practice to sustain the joy of being together over the long term. This is true for all relationships not just romantic ones.

Just like learning a sport or a skill, with repeated and mindful practice, good habits in relationships will become second nature. Specific changes in our daily routine can impact our presence and enjoyment in the world, and as a result in our relations with others. Here are some examples of habits that may need investigating to see if we want to change them so that we can improve our lives:

1. Social media

Do you check social media too frequently rather than being present with people in the house or doing something that may be more fulfilling? If so, you can limit your time with all social media, leaving more time for doing things that truly inspire you and coincidentally make you a better friend, parent, and spouse.

2. Messy or thoughtless

Do you leave dirty dishes in the kitchen or a mess around the house? If so, consider how that impacts you and the people you live with. It does not take more work to tidy up now rather than later. It simply requires changing the timing of when you do it.

3. Lack of self-care

Do you eat junk food and forget to get exercise? If so, think about how your lack of self-care makes you feel less healthy and attractive to both you and to those around you. Taking care of your health and physical vitality affects both you and those around you.

4. Rude or complaining

Do you frequently speak rudely or complain to those around you? Practicing self-discipline to stay calm and to think before you communicate greatly affects your relationships and effectiveness in the world. Noticing and appreciating good things about people and the events in your life will increase your happiness and your relationships.

5. Not present

Are you often in a rush because you have taken on too many responsibilities? There is nothing more annoying than being with someone who is always rushing with more “important” things on his or her mind. The message is that those around them are not that important. Some people do have several jobs and carry a large burden in life. However, others have chosen to be that busy, blaming deadlines that they have agreed to for being rushed.

You gain more freedom in life when you realize that many of the duties and endeavors on your list are there as a result of the choices you make. Saying “yes” to your top priorities and “no” to a few lesser priorities will free up your time so you can truly enjoy your life and your relationships.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “I’ve fallen out of love with her.”

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