Ten guidelines for how to proceed with a relationship after a separation: “What steps are required as we work towards repair?”

"Flow of Energy" by Mimi Stuart ©

“Flow of Energy” by Mimi Stuart ©

Your primary goal should be to go about your life with a sense dignity and self-respect. This means doing the following:

1. Do not be rude or disrespectful.

2. Do not tolerate any rudeness or disrespect. In other words, when approached rudely, remain composed and either withdraw or say something like, “Let’s treat each other with respect.”

3. Do not seek too much connection, that is, avoid being needy.

4. Do not give too much advice.

5. Do not complain, but rather ask for what you need in a dignified way.

6. Avoid a victim mentality.

7. Avoid gossiping negatively about your potential ex.

8. Pursue your interests and see friends and family (I don’t mean party wildly, but live an interesting life). Include mutual friends.

9. Find things to be grateful for daily and hourly.

10. Apologize for any mistakes or hurt you may have caused.

Building a basis of mutual respect gives you the best chance of being able to restore the relationship on some level without resentment or hostility. He is most likely to miss you and be attracted to you again if you are strong, kind, independent and amazing.

Whether or not you are able to restore the relationship fully, you will feel better about yourself if you can follow these guidelines. Moreover, the self-composure and dignity achieved by following these guidelines provide the most effective basis for interacting with another person whether you are married, living apart, or divorced.

by Dr. Alison Poulsen

Read “How to predict a divorce or the breakup of a relationship.”

Read “Is ‘playing hard to get” just a game?”

Read “My girlfriend said she needed time and space to re-evaluate our relationship.”

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