“What happened to our relationship? It used to be so great.”

"Grazia" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“Grazia” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

A relationship is made up of the totality of interactions between two people. All the fleeting moments, glances, words, and focus of energy sculpt a relationship. Consider whether most of the interactions in your relationship consist of those on the first list or those on the second:

1. Connection,
2. Collaboration,
3. Cuddling,
4. Caring,
5. Conversations, and
6. Compliments


1. Commands,
2. Complaints,
3. Criticisms,
4. Clinging,
5. Cringing, and
6. Contempt.

When two people first meet, strong attraction can sustain a great deal of togetherness. However, sustaining the enjoyment in a relationship over the long term is an art that requires skill and practice. This is true for all relationships not just romantic ones. Specific changes in our daily interactions can enhance our relationships.

Questions to consider to improve your relationships:

1. Social media

Do you check social media too frequently, which distracts you from being present with people or doing something ultimately more fulfilling? If so, limit your time with social media or at least postpone checking and responding to social media. This will make you a better friend, parent, and spouse and leave more time for doing things that truly inspire you.

2. Messy or thoughtless

Do you leave dirty dishes in the kitchen or a mess around the house? If so, consider how that impacts you and the people you live with. There is no extra effort in cleaning up now rather than later. It simply requires changing the timing of when you do it.

3. Lack of self-care

Do you eat junk food and forget to get exercise? If so, think about how your lack of self-care makes you feel less healthy and attractive to both you and to those around you. Taking care of your health and physical vitality affects both you and others.

4. Rude or complaining

Do you frequently complain or display rudeness or disrespect? Staying calm and taking time to think before you communicate will greatly affect your relationships and effectiveness in the world. Noticing and appreciating good things about people and the events in your life will also improve your relationships and increase your own happiness.

5. Not present

Are you often in a rush because you’ve taken on too many responsibilities? There is nothing more annoying than being with someone who always has more “important” things on his or her mind. The message a busy person conveys is that other people are not that important.

Some people have no choice but to have several jobs and to carry a large burden in life. Even so, it’s important to make the effort to be present with loved ones. Other people, however, have chosen to be busy and blame their haste on deadlines that they have chosen to make a priority.

You gain freedom in your life when you realize that many of the duties and endeavors on your list are the result of the choices you make. Saying “yes” to your top priorities and “no” to a few lesser priorities will free up your time so you can truly enjoy your life and your relationships.


If you want a good relationship, communicate in a way that deepens the relationship and builds upon positive interactions. If you want a great relationship, practice being thoughtful, respectful, reasonable, and enjoyable, and sustain an atmosphere of desire.

If you want more fun, be more fun and do more enjoyable things together. If you want more passion, take care of your physical and emotional health, be more sensual, and seduce your partner with your own vitality and desire.

by Dr. Alison Poulsen

Watch “Seven keys to a great relationship.”

Read “Ten Keys to a Great Relationship: ‘The magic is gone.’”

Read “How to predict a divorce or the breakup of a relationship.”

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