Positive Bonding Patterns:
“We never fight, but we don’t talk anymore and there’s no more passion.”

How often have you heard people say, “I still love him/her, but I’m not in love anymore”? Very often this loss of passion is the result of falling into a “positive bonding pattern” through countless decisions to hide true opinions and feelings to appease the other person. “Positive bonding patterns,” which feel good at first […]

“My girlfriend said she needed time and space to re-evaluate our relationship, for us to work on ourselves, and then see where we want to go from there. I was reassured that her moving out was not an end to our relationship, but just putting it on hold. We agreed that we could still see each other, fidelity would be respected, and we could also continue to communicate with each other. I complied.”

Avoiding honest discussions about difficult issues No relationship is perfect. So one of the key ingredients in a long-term relationship is being able to be honest while diplomatic about changes that would improve the relationship and boundaries that need to be set. If people are too worried about hurting each others’ feelings to be candid, […]

“It’s always your way or the highway!”

So… what I REALLY meant was… “Let’s agree to include both our opinions into the solution. Let’s start by finding our common ground.” Sarcasm furthers hostility. Giving in causes resentment. You can frequently find a healthy compromise if you remain calm, respectful, and persistent. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never […]

“We need to travel to re-energize our relationship.”

Sometimes a trip or special date can bring back the energy and romance of a relationship. Yet, it’s the totality of your communication, tone of voice, and words that cause a relationship to become fulfilling or miserable. If 80% of your communication is neutral or positive, that is, appreciative or respectful, then your relationship is […]

Sustaining Desire:
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s just watch TV.”

Being compliant vs being desirable. When desire takes a back seat! The fear of being alone causes some people to pursue the security that comes from being needed rather than the vulnerability that goes with being desired. Thus, they may become overly compliant to avoid any potential friction. Then one day, they wonder, “What happened […]


Good Conversation:
“We don’t talk much anymore.”

Good conversation has an edge. It opens your eyes to something, stirs your imagination, reverberates in your mind later in the day. Your mind has been sparked. What if you start worrying that the other person will get angry or roll his or her eyes at you? Fear of someone’s reactions stifles your imagination and […]