Category Archives: Money

Guest Author Dr. Jennifer Freed
“It’s so unfair; I can’t find a job.”
What to do after College or between Jobs:

"Aries" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

1) Learn another language (people with multiple languages are more employable.)

2) Volunteer especially at a place where you will learn a transferable job skill like:

a) cooking b) gardening c) administrative assistant d) bookkeeper, etc.

3) Intern at a friend or your folks’ business and specifically ask to shadow someone who can teach you something valuable in the work world.

4) Create a blog on a new topic and work on it everyday.

5) Get more education through city college classes.

6) Get fit. Do everything you can to be in the best shape possible. Looking healthy is a bonus when looking for jobs.

7) Visit aging relatives because you have the time and they really need your love and attention.

8 ) Create a 5 year plan and action steps to achieve the plan and take a small step everyday.

9) Read, Read, Read, When you are busy at work you have less time to read and reading improves your mind muscles and your vocabulary. A well read person is a more hirable person in many jobs.

10) Keep your living space immaculate and ordered. An organized living environment helps with work habits and clarity.

11) Stay on a sleep cycle that is oriented towards working so the transition will be smooth when you get a job and you will be well rested.

12) Seek friends who are going places and have good jobs so that you can get tips and contacts from them and so you will stay inspired.

DO NOT

1) Get wasted every day.

2) Watch videos and TV every day.

3) Hang out with low life and complain about how unfair life is.

4) Spend endless time social networking about inane trivia and gossip.

5) Eat junk food and have horrible sleep habits.

6) Run home to mommy/daddy and want them to forever take care of you.

7) Get into a wretched high drama relationship just to pass the time.

By Dr. Jennifer Freed, the author of “Lessons from Stanley the Cat”, a psychotherapist, a radio show host “Freed Up,” on Voice America, & a professor.

Read “I hate my job!”

Saving money:
“I want to buy this now!”

"Precision Line" — Mariano Rivera
Live the Life you Desire

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

~Milton Berle

Saves are often as important as runs in winning championships. Likewise, saving money can be as important as how much money you make.

Yet, research shows that when making decisions, most people opt for a small amount of immediate gratification over a larger amount of future gratification. This is because we often make decisions with the emotional rather than the rational part of the brain.

Emotions help us experience and anticipate pleasure and pain. Yet, because emotions are stronger when anticipating imminent pleasure or pain, we often give greater weight to instantaneous gratification than to delayed gratification.

So, if you want to maximize your happiness, employ your emotions in listing the costs and benefits, or pleasure and pain, of any purchase. Then take some time using your reason to make decisions objectively rather than impulsively.

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

~Spike Milligan

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “No money: I get really unhappy not to be able to buy clothes when I see all my friends shopping.”

Living together Part 2: Fairness — “Well, I’m paying for everything!”

"Harmonic Balance" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
read

Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they’re fair with you.

~Alan Alda

In addition to having manners and maintaining boundaries, being fair in what you contribute in a household makes a big difference in long-term relationships. Here are a few guidelines that work for most people:

1. Clean up after yourself. There’s nothing so discouraging as living with someone who leaves a mess everywhere. Relaxed order, not sanitary perfection, is a happy medium for most people living together. People who are either sticklers for perfection or extremely messy are often better off living alone.

2. Be thoughtful, but beware of doing too much for others. While it’s kind to cook or clean for others, doing too much without willing reciprocity from them may lead to you becoming resentful.

3. Maintain your boundaries regarding personal property. It’s nice to be generous with people who are respectful and appreciative. However, if someone “borrows” something of yours without asking, you might say, “I’d like you to ask me first.” If people don’t respect your belongings, they likely will not respect you. If they persist in “borrowing” without asking, take steps to secure your property.

4. Have clear understandings regarding finances, both your own and your collective finances. In temporary relationships, where society has no legal say, such as non-married partners, or renters who share a house, it is very important to have clear understandings that address bills, finances and paperwork. Clearly define what belongs to whom and who is responsible for what. Even if you live with your best friend or the love of your life, you want to protect yourself and your relationship from the outset. A relationship is more solid and stress-free when there is clarity regarding finances.

5. Don’t gossip. When you align yourself with just one person, if there are more than two in the household, others in the house may feel alienated.

6. Have a sense of humor. This is probably the most beneficial trait you can have in relationships. As William James puts it: “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Living together Part I: Manners and Boundaries”

Read “I don’t want finances to get in the middle of it, because I don’t want it to get ugly.”

“I hate my job!”

"Stoicism" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

So what I really meant was…

“It’s not my favorite job, but I need the work. So I intend to do it the best I can with an excellent attitude. I’m also going to start looking for a way to transition into something more to my liking.”

You’ll not only feel great satisfaction for a job well done, you may also get promoted or receive a good recommendation in the eventuality you find other work.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

No labor, however humble, is dishonoring.

~The Talmud

Read “I’ve lost my home and job. My life is over.”

“I don’t want finances to get in the middle of it because I don’t want it to get ugly, I just want to be fair.”

"Meadow Wander" — Squaw Valley by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

Do not make financial decisions based on a fear of intimidation! If you do, then you will remain a victim to intimidating people. It’s a law of human nature that manipulative, self-centered people sense when they have the upper hand with those who fear intimidation and confrontation.

Moreover, people are more willing to do what’s fair when they know they are not dealing with a pushover.

Fairness is an appropriate goal, not avoiding ugliness, because the only way one person can guarantee avoiding ugliness is by being a slave to whatever the other person wants. Two people are in charge of finding a peaceful solution—not just you.

If you are a person who fears confrontation, you have to become willing to face another person’s unpleasant reactions. You can remain calm and gracious without backing down in the face of confrontation. You can’t control how someone else may react, unless you are willing to give in to all demands to appease bad behavior.

You need to be willing to set up boundaries to enjoy peace and harmony.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Pleaser and Receiver.”

Read “Dealing with Angry People.”

Abuse: “There has been physical and emotional abuse. Why do I stay? It all comes down to money.”

"Anthony's Key" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

The suffering experienced from long-term emotional or physical abuse becomes increasingly more agonizing and life-threatening. There is no excuse for physical abuse or ongoing emotional abuse. It is imperative to remove yourself from a situation of abuse quickly, because it becomes increasingly difficult to leave as one’s self-esteem worsens and one becomes more isolated.

I teach healthy relationship skills at a shelter for abused women, where I see many women who have felt emotionally attached to their partners despite the abuse. Others feel so poorly about themselves that they seem to lose the ability to imagine a different future or to feel worthy of respect and consideration. Many others feel trapped by finances.

Although a women’s shelter is not a vacation spot—it has to have rules and conditions to thrive as well as to foster accountability—it is a safe place to go that allows women to rebuild their lives, their self-esteem, and their sense of peace. It is a place where they can learn how to effectively respond to disrespectful behavior long before it reaches levels of abuse.

Rebuilding your soul requires finding safe shelter. Only by being away from the emotional and physical abuse can one experience the freedom from fear to think about one’s own needs and desires, as well as to gain back self-respect and authority over one’s own life.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Contempt.”